to do as much nothing as possible...indigo, md

so i feel like i am stuck right now...having been sent home and covered since was not feeling well after returning to work after surgery i now feel like i 'shouldn't' feel well and should rest...but in reality i am feeling okay but have a terrible headache today and feel like i should have been at work today...and am wishing i was still on wards this month so could work with team i like! as for other things...specialty is a tough one given my internal struggle between anesthesiology and obstetrics/gynecology for over a year and actually almost two years now; not to mention that i am already matched into anesthesia and don't know what to do now about...well...pretty much everything. heart says one thing. mind says another. then which do i listen to???

so the title of the blog is similar to before....little different...still trying to figure out the best title for this page; not that anyone is really reading it anyway, but just in case there is a single soul out there that is....

so after careful thought and convincing i was able to talk with my team and get my call shift from tonight covered so i could continue to rest and recover---yeah yeah yeah---i know that three days after surgery is probably not enough rest but you know how us docs are...do as we say not as we do...it is kind of ironic that when you are working in a hospital....a place where one comes to get help for their health and to rest, recover and recuperate...you are even less likely to get to rest and take care of yourself...oxymoron in a way frankly! needless to say...i am glad i was home today b/c slept all day and am finally starting to feel a little better---even though the middle of the night now. i am having all sorts of fleeting random thoughts fly through my head and feel like i should somehow use those thoughts for something productive...but i am not sure what that would be right now. so....just a quick little note and back to bed i go.

29 yo female s/p lap chole on 20July07 now post-op day 3; pain improving, no drainage from incision wounds, no erythema, or other signs of infection present; tolerating normal PO diet, voiding without difficulty, ambulating without difficulty, pain controlled on percocet; pt annoyed with random things related to this event--namely miscommunication and timing of things in her program; unable to get point across clearly and complete the month as is already arranged; unclear of outcome from this point forward;

had pre-op for surgery yesterday and once again it feels weird...actually just wrong somehow...to be in the office as a patient and not as a doctor; hard to put yourself into that role when you know what is going on on the other end...needless to say...like my surgeon and have help for after, have my days covered for three full days off afterwards and then back to work and on call; the last call night--two nights ago---i had was very busy: four admissions throughout the night; several pretty sick ones; drama thrown in there on a few; and crosscover busy but not insane; didn't sleep at all though for the whole call---worked from 0615 one morning till 1245 the next day---so 30.5hours---then to the surgeon's office---so went for about 35hours without sleep; thinking of this is actually a bit sickening in many ways but that is the way medicine is; and if you believe it---that is actually improved over how it has been in the past; so we will see how things go while off the next few

yeah so i ended up having some pretty bad pain few nights ago---GI....thought was heartburn...no improvement with Tums, then maybe gas...yeah simethicone and a few painful hours later i went to the ED on the morning i was to be on-call---got there at like 0330---fortunately only waited like half hour----only b/c am a doc in the hospital there i am sure---and was seen---knew was gallbladder by that point...but thought i was headed to the OR---well u/s and labs later...did have stones....but no obstruction and no evidence of cholecystitis at all, just cholelithiasis, so home with pain meds and antiemetics....on the am of call...so back-up had to go in to cover me---shi**y in all kinds of ways...returned today to find four new patients i didn't know, one transfer to SNF, another died---first patient had to pronounce ever---and the other two very sick. also after talking with my chief i learned that they want me to get the surgery done like the 1st or 2nd of august and have that be my

Four years ago I started medical school---the first week of school---there I was on Friday of the first week with a fever of 102.5 and feeling awful! after several days of not getting better, fevers, and many other things, we finally determined that I had mononucleosis!!! Needless to say, I was tired, weak, febrile, and generally speaking felt terrible----but somehow managed to pull it together and do okay---passing everything and not having to repeat any of the semester. Well now, here I am starting residency, now about three weeks into it and having ended up in the ER now twice in the past two weeks---with no ER visits for years prior to now---first was for an asthma attack that came on while working and the second, just yesterday, was for unrelenting pain that started at 0030 yesterday morning waking me out of a dead sleep. The pain was somewhat like general GI pains but this one was sharp, did not stop, went through to my back, and nothing helped to improve the pain. Well after a f

so i am annoyed with several things about...well...work. in order to not to offend anyone in a public forum i will be somewhat cryptic...but if you must know---then ask! someone today made me feel someway today that i did not like and appreciate---or should i say that this person's actions initiated me to get into a particular mood or to 'allow' myself to be annoyed by him or her....and all that psychobabble that i know i believe in yet do not completely buy for all situations...yeah i know doesn't make much sense--but it is not supposed to. needless to say...told was 'the worst' today....of what...figure that one out! and talk about kissing some ass by some people...my god! so here i am tired and should be going to sleep yet writing this to just blab about it one more time...and hopefully not let it continue to 'bug' me! post-post-call day is actually one of the worst feelings you can have.

Students Discuss Options at Congress Our AMWA student members report that they came away from the 2007 Congress of Women in Medicine with new insight into balancing life and career. One of the student sessions, "In Search of Options," allowed students to ask questions of physician panelists, representing disciplines in internal medicine, gynecology, psychiatry, and surgery, regarding career and family choices. The discussion culminated with three major points: First, follow your bliss - you must enjoy what you do on a regular basis. Second, use your support system or be the catalyst for forming one. Third, the only person that can stop you from achieving your goals, professional or personal, is yourself.

soforthisentryiamnotgoingtotypeanyspaceswhichisactuallyhardformesinceitouchtypeandamsousedtodoingit.firetruckoutafterfireworks. soiamexhausted,headachethatissurelytensionsinceitisalloverandiskillingmeandthatnothingishelpingitgetanybetter.sotoldmyfirstfamily memberofapatientlastnightthattheirlovedonewasgoingtodie.cannotbelievehowdifficultitistonotgivefalsehopeespeciallyastheyareinobvious denialandyouwanttobesupportivebutyouknowthepatientisnotgoingtogetbetter.iguessthatissomethingeverynewdoctorneedstogothroughandexperience ifeellikeiwantotquiteverytimeiamoncall.mustbethecombinationofbeingtiredandlearningandnotknowingeverythingiamdoingyetandbeingtired sotobediamgoingonthispostcalldaythatiamnotreallymuchbetterrestedsoletshopethatbysaturdayformynextcallthatisnotthecaseandiammorerested.

so it is interesting to me the bizarre dynamic of being a new physician. there are people with all kinds of backgrounds...some nothing but school...others with many other experiences before them...all starting as new docs and taking care of patients. now i wonder about those who never worked before now...i know they exist and i know there are several from my class like that...not sure about the intern class i am with...but i don't think they have the slightest clue what it is like to work hard. really just blabbing at this point and am very tired and on call tomorrow so need to hit the hay...but thought would write something since has been a few days...and yes...can breathe for now! since last entry i was on-call and had five admissions that night to the icu, worked about 30hours that shift and 12 the next day...that is another thing....worked like 42 hours over the weekend...now why do people think we make oh so much money----figure out the hourly and you would learn it is less th